Our children are only with us for a short period of time. How long they remain connected to us depends on our level of connection. We have a short window of time from which we can have the most impact to transform ourselves and connect with our children. If we are lucky our children will outlive us and visit often, but there is no guarantee. We need to understand how precious the time they live with us is. It’s not even the whole time they are living with us that the relationship has the power to be transformative, it’s only when there is emotional closeness. Being emotionally close and connected is the key. Not all parenting relationships have the power to transform, only relationships that are close. At Roots & Wings we give you powerful experiences and evidence-based tools to make raising children a joyful and transformational experience for you and them.
The work of parenting is more exhausting than it needs to be! We are thinking of parenting all wrong. It can be joyful and energy-fueling if we shift the lens inward. Over the last 12 years, our Executive Director has summed up the best in psychological literature to share with you "Transformational Parenting” which is evidence-based personal development for parents.
CLICK HERE to get your copy
Endorsed by:
The Duchess of York
Mary Pipher (renowned psychologist and author of Reviving Ophelia)
Mallika Chopra (renowned author and founder of Intent.com)
JJeff Stibel, Co-Founder of Bryant-Stibel
CLICK HERE to get your copy
Endorsed by:
The Duchess of York
Mary Pipher (renowned psychologist and author of Reviving Ophelia)
Mallika Chopra (renowned author and founder of Intent.com)
JJeff Stibel, Co-Founder of Bryant-Stibel
Looking for Effective Parent Education?
Look no further! Just click on the black button below to learn of our upcoming offerings! Raising kind, confident and compassionate children doesn't take magic, but it does require parent education.
Parents: Do you wish your child / teen loved school? We know how to help make that happen.
We work in the schools at a systemic level to create internal change. Starting first with teacher training and support, teacher educators learn how to integrate Social and Emotional Learning so kids not only feel safe at school, but they love it. Our program also prevents and stops bullying, teaches teachers and parents how to motivate children without shaming or threatening them, and how to prevent and help decrease anxiety, loneliness and depression (in teachers and parents as well as children). Your school's PTA, or parent council, can fund this program. As a non-profit, we subsidize the cost significantly.
Simply email our Executive Director to let her know which school your child is at and she will set up a meeting with the Principal to get the ball rolling.
We work in the schools at a systemic level to create internal change. Starting first with teacher training and support, teacher educators learn how to integrate Social and Emotional Learning so kids not only feel safe at school, but they love it. Our program also prevents and stops bullying, teaches teachers and parents how to motivate children without shaming or threatening them, and how to prevent and help decrease anxiety, loneliness and depression (in teachers and parents as well as children). Your school's PTA, or parent council, can fund this program. As a non-profit, we subsidize the cost significantly.
Simply email our Executive Director to let her know which school your child is at and she will set up a meeting with the Principal to get the ball rolling.
Evidence-Based Personal Development for Parents
Parenting is the most incredible opportunity for personal growth available in a lifetime. More so than any other experience, you can transform yourself in ways beyond your imagination if done with intention. So much parenting is done either automatically, on the fly, or by following rules from an expert. Yet, exceptional parenting doesn't happen by following an expert, rules, or winging it, no matter how much yoga and meditation you do. Exceptional parenting occurs when parents undergo strategic and specific personal growth. But not just any personal growth will do. Some personal growth is effective and some not so much. Here, we use evidence-based best practices in personal growth to propel you to an advanced state of living so everyone around you, including your children will benefit. Dr. Jennifer Johnston-Jones, renowned psychologist and acclaimed speaker guides us through an experiential, conversational and connecting group as we transform ourselves to become the best mothers and fathers for our children and ourselves.
Dear Fellow Parents,
The work of parenting is more exhausting than it needs to be! We are thinking of parenting all wrong. It can be joyful and energy-fueling if we shift the lens inward. Through my professional work with hundreds of parents and my own personal work, it has become clear that what we really need is to work on ourselves.
Parenting techniques and trends will give us some tools but won’t change the substance of what we are working with. It’s like we have been given paintbrushes without colors to paint with. Without doing the inner work, there is very little to work with, nothing to paint. Until now, therapy has been the solution to the inner work of parenting. Yet, therapy is impractical for most. It's time for a paradigm shift!
So, over the last 12 years, I’ve summed up the best in psychological literature to share with you "Transformational Parenting” which is evidence-based personal development for parents.
Personal development is different for parents. First, we are on a firm deadline! With only 18 years (realistically 12 or 13) to get our act together until we lose our influence on our kids, we are a motivated bunch! Second, because our children are our mirror and are constantly reflecting our emotional state, we have a direct feedback loop available for advanced personal growth. Third, the relationship we create with our children now will be the foundation for our relationship with them as adults. We have no time to dilly-dally around with stuff that distracts from the heart of the matter.
I'm thrilled you're here with me to figure it out. You're brave enough to move away from the dominant paradigm that has us pointing fingers at our children. You're compassionate enough to be willing to make a change for your child. And you're smart enough to know that evidence-based psychology is the only way to go. Welcome!
We're in this Together,
Dr. Jennifer
Parenting is the most incredible opportunity for personal growth available in a lifetime. More so than any other experience, you can transform yourself in ways beyond your imagination if done with intention. So much parenting is done either automatically, on the fly, or by following rules from an expert. Yet, exceptional parenting doesn't happen by following an expert, rules, or winging it, no matter how much yoga and meditation you do. Exceptional parenting occurs when parents undergo strategic and specific personal growth. But not just any personal growth will do. Some personal growth is effective and some not so much. Here, we use evidence-based best practices in personal growth to propel you to an advanced state of living so everyone around you, including your children will benefit. Dr. Jennifer Johnston-Jones, renowned psychologist and acclaimed speaker guides us through an experiential, conversational and connecting group as we transform ourselves to become the best mothers and fathers for our children and ourselves.
Dear Fellow Parents,
The work of parenting is more exhausting than it needs to be! We are thinking of parenting all wrong. It can be joyful and energy-fueling if we shift the lens inward. Through my professional work with hundreds of parents and my own personal work, it has become clear that what we really need is to work on ourselves.
Parenting techniques and trends will give us some tools but won’t change the substance of what we are working with. It’s like we have been given paintbrushes without colors to paint with. Without doing the inner work, there is very little to work with, nothing to paint. Until now, therapy has been the solution to the inner work of parenting. Yet, therapy is impractical for most. It's time for a paradigm shift!
So, over the last 12 years, I’ve summed up the best in psychological literature to share with you "Transformational Parenting” which is evidence-based personal development for parents.
Personal development is different for parents. First, we are on a firm deadline! With only 18 years (realistically 12 or 13) to get our act together until we lose our influence on our kids, we are a motivated bunch! Second, because our children are our mirror and are constantly reflecting our emotional state, we have a direct feedback loop available for advanced personal growth. Third, the relationship we create with our children now will be the foundation for our relationship with them as adults. We have no time to dilly-dally around with stuff that distracts from the heart of the matter.
I'm thrilled you're here with me to figure it out. You're brave enough to move away from the dominant paradigm that has us pointing fingers at our children. You're compassionate enough to be willing to make a change for your child. And you're smart enough to know that evidence-based psychology is the only way to go. Welcome!
We're in this Together,
Dr. Jennifer
Family Meetings: a fun and easy way to improve behavior!
Family Meetings are a game-changer for families and extremely effective in improving behavior, relationships and children’s confidence! When you do weekly family meetings, you create a tradition of compassion, listening, democratic problem solving and an essential time to express feelings. Kids love family meetings because it allows them to be heard and have a voice in the functioning of the family. So much misbehavior is related to kids needing more attention or needing to feel more power—family meetings address these spot on. Enjoy!
How to Run a Family Meeting:
1. Family Meetings are best run during mealtimes. Choose a day when all members of your family household are likely to sit for a meal together. Stick to the same day every week and even if you are traveling, home late, or it’s a holiday, hold the family meeting. The consistency and structure are regulating for children and they feel more secure when they understand what to expect.
2. If you have children that are 5 or under, teach each step of the family meetings a week at a time. The problem-solving and empathy that is developed is usually easier for school age children but can be learned at a younger age as well.
3. Introduce the five components of family meetings (Agenda, Compliments, Brainstorming, Calendar and Fun Activity). Let your family know you will be spending as many weeks as it takes to learn each component.
4. Print copies of the Family Meeting Template included in this email. Use one per week. Tape it on the refrigerator, low enough so your kids can reach it. Explain to your kids that when they have a problem or something that’s bothering them they can write or draw it on the Agenda. Many families like to keep their Family Meeting Agendas as a record of their progress. It can make kids very proud to see, for example, that they used to have frequent sibling squabbles that have been nearly eliminated.
5. When it’s time for your Family Meeting, take the agenda and use it to help you remember the steps. If there are no Agenda items (problems/issues to be addressed), you can ask the family during the meeting and write them down in the gray box (you probably have a few you can include).
6. Start with Compliments. Go around the circle and allow everyone to share what they are thankful for or what they appreciate. You can model this by going first. Often, it’s helpful to provide a sentence structure when learning. For example, “Thank you for the ________ (trees, sun, dinner, new jacket, etc.). This not only creates safety and warmth before problem solving but also helps teach kindness and develop positive thinking.
7.) The next step in the Agenda is Brainstorming for Solutions. Explain to your children that brainstorming is when we think of as many ideas as we can to solve a problem. They can be practical or wild and crazy. After we have had fun brainstorming (with no discussion), we will choose one solution that we all agree on and try it for a week. Choose a problem from the agenda and practice brainstorming. Once your family has made a list, go around and ask your children to cross off anything that won’t work. Share the importance of creating a solution everyone can agree on. Try it for a week. If it needs revisiting, put it on the agenda again and come back to it.
8. ) After Brainstorming, you’re onto the next step, the Calendar. During this step, everyone can share about what’s going on in the next week. Another addition helpful in promoting a positive attitude is to also ask everyone what they are looking forward to for this next week.
9.) Last, but not least is the Fun Family Activity. NEVER skip this as tempting as it can be. This is the relationship bonding piece that the kids love the most. Let the kids choose an activity you can do for 5-15 minutes together as a family. Some suggestions include charades, family art, card games, guessing games, dominoes, board games, puzzles, Simon Says, etc.)
10.) Stick to it! Most families see significant improvement in behavior in only 3-6 weeks and happier kids immediately!
Let us know how it goes for you!
Connecting with the higher purpose of parenting
by Estela de Wulf, Roots & Wings' Favorite Parenting Instructor, Her classes are on Mondays and Tuesdays from 9-10:30
Raising a family and maintaining a household is no small endeavor. Running all day, checking off an endless list of to-do’s, making sure the children are safe, healthy, educated and feeling loved, while trying to keep the marriage alive, maybe a career going and both our physical and mental health preserved. It is so overwhelming! If you are a parent, you probably see yourself most of the time in a “robotic task mode”, running on your own private hamster wheel.
No wonder we do expect (and demand!) maximum and prompt cooperation from our children, with little or zero tolerance to any form of non-compliance. “Are you kidding?! Can’t you see all I have on my plate?! This is no time to be picky about the color of your socks or ask for help with your homework! At least not until you have cleaned up your room!”
Oh, yes, let’s be honest. We all have moments of crazy frustration and anger when we are on “robotic task mode” and children decide to have their own needs and ideas in their own timing.
And, yes, we are completely capable of yelling, threatening, punishing, shaming, bribing and insulting our own children in some way and degree. Not a pretty scene, but one we find ourselves in, from time to time (or a lot of the time). Some of us may even get so used to it and believe that this is what family life is supposed to be.
Well, I am a firm believer that family life can be harmonious, cooperative and affectionate, where all its members feel deeply connected, mutually supported and unconditionally loved. Quite a vision, right?
As parents or family leaders learning on the job and overloaded with responsibilities, we cannot be blamed for not being there yet, but neither can we afford to not strive in that direction. For that, we must rise above the robotic task mode and inject higher purpose in our everyday parenting. Here are a few ideas that can contribute to that:
Make connection a priority
A deep connection with our children can be one of the greatest sources of fulfillment and guarantee of a lifelong relationship that only keeps getting stronger. This requires a constant and conscious effort to connect, as a priority above all else, rather than a switch that we turn on and off when we feel like it or have the time for. If all our focus is on getting things done, it is easy to go through the day (or an entire life) and totally miss that point and that opportunity.
Getting into our children’s universe, spending special time with them, playing, cuddling, sharing meaningful conversations, taking time to train them in things they still don’t know how to do are some ways to nurture connection and closeness in our everyday parenting. Both parents and children gain so much from it, in the short and long terms.
And, from a very practical standpoint, how much more willing to cooperate would a child be with an adult they feel deeply connected with?
Remember that children are still children
Children’s behavior is very much a reflection of their social and emotional skills. In other words, how they understand and connect with themselves and others.
Examples of social and emotional skills are self-control, empathy, responsibility, self-confidence, cooperation and problem solving. Differently from walking and talking, these skills don’t just kick in at a certain age. They can take time to develop and a lifetime to be mastered. Aren’t we still working on most of them ourselves?
Having said that, how many times do we catch ourselves expecting our children to selflessly share their toys, calmly and eloquently express their frustrations instead of yelling and crying, voluntarily organize their playroom, efficiently manage their schedules and peacefully resolve conflicts instead of fighting? We often expect too much too soon from our children and forget our critical role in facilitating the development of the very skills we feel they lack.
By reminding ourselves that children are individuals “in construction”, we can gain understanding and compassion at moments when it feels they are acting against us or trying to ruin our day. We can gather strength to see beyond their “misbehavior” and help them take a small step at a time towards “growing up”. How?
Use every opportunity to support learning
As adults, we tend to sit on the top of our mountain of experience and wisdom and give ourselves the mission of shoving information and life lessons into our children’s empty minds. A famous quote of Benjamin Franklin reminds us of an important truth: “Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”By engaging children in self-reflection and critical thinking, we show faith in their capacity to learn from within. We can do that by asking questions and listening with no judgement, drawing forth their inner resources. Here are some examples of curiosity questions: “What are your thoughts about this situation? What do you think caused that to happen? How may you have contributed for that to happen? What were you trying to accomplish? What makes that important to you? What could you do differently next time? What would be some possible solutions for this problem?”
Establishing a close connection with our children, seeing and accepting them for who they are and lovingly helping them get prepared for life can take us to a totally different level of parenting and contribution to humanity.
Raising a family and maintaining a household is no small endeavor. Running all day, checking off an endless list of to-do’s, making sure the children are safe, healthy, educated and feeling loved, while trying to keep the marriage alive, maybe a career going and both our physical and mental health preserved. It is so overwhelming! If you are a parent, you probably see yourself most of the time in a “robotic task mode”, running on your own private hamster wheel.
No wonder we do expect (and demand!) maximum and prompt cooperation from our children, with little or zero tolerance to any form of non-compliance. “Are you kidding?! Can’t you see all I have on my plate?! This is no time to be picky about the color of your socks or ask for help with your homework! At least not until you have cleaned up your room!”
Oh, yes, let’s be honest. We all have moments of crazy frustration and anger when we are on “robotic task mode” and children decide to have their own needs and ideas in their own timing.
And, yes, we are completely capable of yelling, threatening, punishing, shaming, bribing and insulting our own children in some way and degree. Not a pretty scene, but one we find ourselves in, from time to time (or a lot of the time). Some of us may even get so used to it and believe that this is what family life is supposed to be.
Well, I am a firm believer that family life can be harmonious, cooperative and affectionate, where all its members feel deeply connected, mutually supported and unconditionally loved. Quite a vision, right?
As parents or family leaders learning on the job and overloaded with responsibilities, we cannot be blamed for not being there yet, but neither can we afford to not strive in that direction. For that, we must rise above the robotic task mode and inject higher purpose in our everyday parenting. Here are a few ideas that can contribute to that:
Make connection a priority
A deep connection with our children can be one of the greatest sources of fulfillment and guarantee of a lifelong relationship that only keeps getting stronger. This requires a constant and conscious effort to connect, as a priority above all else, rather than a switch that we turn on and off when we feel like it or have the time for. If all our focus is on getting things done, it is easy to go through the day (or an entire life) and totally miss that point and that opportunity.
Getting into our children’s universe, spending special time with them, playing, cuddling, sharing meaningful conversations, taking time to train them in things they still don’t know how to do are some ways to nurture connection and closeness in our everyday parenting. Both parents and children gain so much from it, in the short and long terms.
And, from a very practical standpoint, how much more willing to cooperate would a child be with an adult they feel deeply connected with?
Remember that children are still children
Children’s behavior is very much a reflection of their social and emotional skills. In other words, how they understand and connect with themselves and others.
Examples of social and emotional skills are self-control, empathy, responsibility, self-confidence, cooperation and problem solving. Differently from walking and talking, these skills don’t just kick in at a certain age. They can take time to develop and a lifetime to be mastered. Aren’t we still working on most of them ourselves?
Having said that, how many times do we catch ourselves expecting our children to selflessly share their toys, calmly and eloquently express their frustrations instead of yelling and crying, voluntarily organize their playroom, efficiently manage their schedules and peacefully resolve conflicts instead of fighting? We often expect too much too soon from our children and forget our critical role in facilitating the development of the very skills we feel they lack.
By reminding ourselves that children are individuals “in construction”, we can gain understanding and compassion at moments when it feels they are acting against us or trying to ruin our day. We can gather strength to see beyond their “misbehavior” and help them take a small step at a time towards “growing up”. How?
Use every opportunity to support learning
As adults, we tend to sit on the top of our mountain of experience and wisdom and give ourselves the mission of shoving information and life lessons into our children’s empty minds. A famous quote of Benjamin Franklin reminds us of an important truth: “Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.”By engaging children in self-reflection and critical thinking, we show faith in their capacity to learn from within. We can do that by asking questions and listening with no judgement, drawing forth their inner resources. Here are some examples of curiosity questions: “What are your thoughts about this situation? What do you think caused that to happen? How may you have contributed for that to happen? What were you trying to accomplish? What makes that important to you? What could you do differently next time? What would be some possible solutions for this problem?”
Establishing a close connection with our children, seeing and accepting them for who they are and lovingly helping them get prepared for life can take us to a totally different level of parenting and contribution to humanity.